Everyday TBRI® The 'E' in IDEAL Response

After ‘Direct’, the next stage of the IDEAL® Response is ‘Efficient’. This means that when we are engaging with our kids, we are:

1. Being playful as often as possible

2. Responding to behaviors with the least amount of intensity required

3. Addressing challenges as simply as possible (remember, talk less)

4. Using Re-dos, Choices, and Compromises

I'll be the first to admit that efficiency is where I struggle the most. I tend to pack my schedule to the brim with activities, chores, and tasks that, in my mind, require my attention right now. While completing tasks helps me to feel accomplished, it doesn't help me to feel rested, which sometimes translates to a bigger, more irritated response to stressors. Dr. Purvis would say "you don't go after a gnat with an elephant gun". I've certainly taken challenging situations and made them worse this way.

Playfulness gives us the opportunity to keep from escalating a situation while also keeping us connected to our kids. It helps us discern what's happening without pointing fingers. Playfulness helps us when we, as parents, are frazzled and minor infractions suddenly become the last straw. The honest-to-goodness truth is that we don't always have our "best self" at our disposal. It's hard to look at situations objectively when you have been running between appointments to school(s), finishing your work day, making dinner, and finally trying to help with evening homework. Playfulness is an important tool not just for our children, but also for ourselves as parents. It helps us remain in a flexible, good-natured space where we can apply our healthy senses of humor. The effort we put into this one facet of parenting helps our children get the best version of us.