Just fold in the cheese.

Anyone else here a fan of Schitt's Creek? (The answer should be a unanimous 'YES!')

There are so many gems in this show that both impart humor and explain human behavior. This morning, I was thinking about the episode where Moira and David are attempting to recreate her family's "ahn-chilada" recipe and are struggling with the instruction of folding in the cheese. It occurred to me how often, as parents, we give instructions that aren't super clear, like:

• Put it away

• Stop that

• We'll talk about it later

• I expect better from you

• Settle down

In the absence of precise clarity, how do we expect our kids to know what we want? Here are eight tips to ensure your are giving effective commands*!

1. Commands should be direct rather than indirect - Saying "Please sit down" instead of "Will you sit down?" makes it clear that you're tellin', not askin'.

2. Commands should be stated positively - Directions should tell children what to do versus what not to do, such as "Please sit beside me" instead of "Stop running around".

3. Commands should be given one at a time - Multipart commands are challenging for children, even/especially teenagers, to remember. Instead of "Clean your room", break it down into one step at at time.

4. Commands should be specific - "Stop that" does not let kids know exactly what to expect. "Keep your hands in your pocket" and "Use your quiet voice" gives concrete information about what you want to see.

5. Commands need to be developmentally appropriate - Remember, chronological age does not equal developmental level.

6. Commands should be given in a neutral tone of voice - Letting commands escalate to parents yelling indicates for kids that they don't have to listen until voices are raised. Stay calm, and keep control of your voice.

7. Give an explanation - "Please finish your math homework because you have a quiz tomorrow" lets kids know the reason why homework is needed.

8. Commands should be given only when necessary - Pick your battles. Turns out, less commands equals more compliance.

In breaking down the instructions in "Fold in the cheese", we would add the cheese to the middle of the sauce. Then, we would use a spatula to gently cover the cheese with the surrounding sauce. This is done so that the cheese melts evenly and the sauce stays intact. And there you have it!

*Eyberg, Sheila. PCIT-Toddlers 8 Rules of Effective Commands* (PDI-T Phase), www.pcit-toddlers.org/forms-handouts/23_PCIT-T_Rules_of_PDI-

T_Girard_E.I._et_al._2018.pdf. Accessed 15 Sept. 2023.