Mindful Parenting: On Feeling the Feelings

In our efforts to be more mindful parents, there are things that come up for us time and time again. Often, those things are our own feelings. They creep into the middle of our chests to expand and contract when we are feeling anxious. They exuberantly open our eyes and mouths with laughter when we are feeling joyful. They embed their roots into our tear ducts and throats when we are feeling sadness. Pesky, insufferable and remarkable are these feelings. Yet how often do we find ourselves dismissing them, distracting ourselves, or passing judgement by setting the bar higher than we are capable of meeting?

Parents are inherently busy people. Many work outside of the home. Most maintain their own household. Parents feed their families, pay the bills, engage their children, and attempt to preserve their social lives as well as practice self-care. Adoptive parents take on even more. They rebuild attachment missing from birth, they practice trauma-responsive parenting, and they parent each child individually based on their history.

As busy, compassionate human beings, it is vital to our well being to acknowledge and honor our own feelings, either positive or negative. Everything we experience internally serves a purpose and gives us information about ourselves in relation to the world around us. Honoring feelings helps us know when we need to tag out with a spouse, partner or friend. It also allows us to recognize and name feelings for our children, which in turn teaches them empathy for others.

As you transition into the weekend, take time identify what has taken up residence inside of you this week. Take a moment to assess the purpose it serves. Finally, acknowledge your own gifts as a parent. You are marvelous!

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes. because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

— Rumi