The 'today' version of you doesn't have to be the 'best' version of you.

I've spent a good deal of time over the last few weeks talking with families about our invisible backpacks. Every day, we carry around a "bag" full of our needs, some met and some unmet. It includes how well we slept last night, did we eat an adequate breakfast, have we had enough physical touch today (that's eight hugs a day for those of you who've not been in training with me), and are we having our relationship and intimacy needs met. Each person you interface with also is carrying their invisible backpack. That person is driving in the car next to you. It's your neighbor who plays music when you are sleeping. It's your children. You are a human, and some days, your backpack has you feeling depleted and wilted. Anyone who has been through the foster and adoption process is used to holding themselves to high standards, and it's easy to start "should-ing" on yourself when you feel like you are under-performing.

• I should be more energetic and playful

• I should take better care of myself

• I should be a more present parent

• I should do a better job cleaning the house

• I should get my taxes in before the extension deadline (October 16th, y'all)

Stop. Thought-stop yourself right there. Identify in the moment that you're having a negative thought that's likely contributing to your backpack. Put that thought on a train and send it away. As I've learned from one of the families that I work with, "you can't let that stuff live rent-free in your head."

Instead, identify what you have in your backpack that day. Assess what needs you are able to meet immediately. Have a snack. Ask for a hug from someone you love. Plan something you can look forward to. Call an accountant. Ultimately, have a mindset of bringing the best version of yourself to yourself based solely on what you have to offer today. You will be a happier parent and your kids will benefit.